Joe and I began the habit of opening both our front doors and just going about our day yelling back and forth to each other. It was funny.
I got to know his dog Prudence. A pug.
Things at work were looking up. I got a promotion.
And I received a huge bouquet of flowers at work one day. I was all excited and tore the card open.
They were from Rob.
I just stared at it.
I called him, feeling for the first time ever ANGRY to have received flowers.
I said, "Why NOW?"
He said he just wanted to congratulate me.
I felt as if he was making a last ditch attempt.
While I appreciated it in one way--he was at least expending some energy toward me rather than away from me--it was too little too late.
I told him that.
I was finally feeling like a person again.
I was going out with friends, paying my own bills, and for the first time ever, living on my own.
And there was this guy.
Joe.
I had already struck up a friendship with him at the bar I frequented (that sounds so lewd...the "bar" I frequented...)
I learned a lot about him.
He had been married too.
Twice.
I know for many that may raise some brows...but I had been married twice before too. I didn't necessarily see it as a deal breaker.
I found out his first wife passed away at a young age from cancer.
And his second was still part of his life. They still communicated.
It was one of those heady situations where I could decide the person I wanted to be. I could start fresh with this guy.
We got to know each other a lot just through living so close and yelling across the hall through our open doors to each other.
I knew I liked him immediately.
I know, I know...don't jump in. You just got out of 2 bad relationships...etc etc.
My little voice was saying all those same things to me.
There was just something about Joe.
He was sincere. And real, for better or worse.
He went out of town once, and I watched his dog. I had free rein to his apartment.
Not one porn.
Believe me, I know. I looked.
And after living as a private detective for so many years in my previous marriage, I knew where to look.
Nothing.
It was a huge breath of fresh air.
Now, don't get all fixated on me invading his privacy. He knows about my search.
And...don't get me wrong...it's not like Joe had a halo over his head...like anyone, he had his quirks and his faults. But they were typical, normal quirks.
I fell madly in love.
And chose to jump right in with both feet.
Turns out the feeling was mutual. Joe jumped in head first too.
This next part I'm not proud of, but I have to say I wouldn't change, either.
We got pregnant.
Insert panic attack here.
We knew we wanted to be together, but we really had JUST met, in reality.
I'd met his parents once and he had met none of my family.
My family was still reeling from the divorce. No one really saw that coming.
Even though some were aware of the problems Rob and I had previously. from the outside, it appeared we had it all worked out.
We lived in a nice house with good jobs, nice cars, and plenty of disposable income. If you've been following this blog from the first posts, you know what I came from. This was far different.
So, when I finally got in touch with my sister Missy after going AWOL on vacation and not answering her voicemails or emails, I explained.
And I waited for the yelling to start, like it did when I ran away with Doug.
But there was no yelling.
She actually shared some things with me about being concerned for my safety during the marriage.
If Rob actually was meeting up with people, was I protected?
I thought about the same thing.
She was very supportive.
And at a time I desperately needed support.
So...imagine my fear of now telling her that I was pregnant.
We told Joe's sister first. She was due to have a baby herself any moment when we told her.
She was wonderful.
We told his mom next.
She was great about it, but understandably worried about this girl who came into the picture so quickly and was now claiming to be pregnant. She had been there with Joe when his wife passed and when his second wife and he divorced.
I'm sure all her Mama Bear instincts kicked in.
In fact, I know they did as she and Joe had a heated, lengthy phone conversation while we were shopping one day. She found out I was technically still married.
**Side note: NEVER file for divorce online if you aren't sure what the court in your state requires. Our divorce took twice as long as it should have to finalize because our online paperwork wasn't right.**
It wasn't pretty.
But looking back, I can understand.
I knew it would just take time to win her over with my fab personality. *wink*
And then...it was time to tell my family.
I told my sister Mindy first.
She was always very open and cool about stuff like that. She held no judgments.
One of the things I truly admire about her.
She was exicted for us and happy to meet Joe.
And then we told my parents.
I swore them to secrecy from telling Missy until I could tell her myself.
They were also supportive (and maybe just a little shell shocked from all the crap I'd dropped on them over the years?)
Finally, it was time to tell Missy.
She planned to come down and stay with me at my apartment for the weekend. We were going to have a Girls' weekend.
I drove the 2 hours to where she lived to pick her up. Then, as we were headed back on the highway, I couldn't wait another minute.
I pulled over at a rest stop and blurted it all out in one big teary confession.
She hadn't even heard about Joe at this point and here I was telling her about "meeting-this-guy-and-he's-terrific-and-you're-gonna-love-him-and-oh-my-gosh-I-keep-screwing-things-up-and-I'm-pregnant."
I could see in Missy's eyes that her wheels were spinning, trying to decode all that I had just said in one breath.
One thing clicked for sure.
"A baby?!" And then she cried.
Happy tears.
See, she knew me too, like my friend Dana did.
She knew my heart for kids and my longing to have a family.
And when baby enters the picture, it doesn't matter. It just doesn't matter. That baby is first and foremost.
We hugged and cried.
And then I pulled back out on the highway, headed to our Girls' Weekend.
That night Missy met Joe. We--naturally--went to karaoke where he was DJ'ing. Turns out that his brother-in-law owns the DJ business and Joe was helping him out while Joe got settled back into town.
All the while Missy and I were driving back into town, Joe was nervously texting me to see how the conversation went. And then they met.
Missy likes to recount their meeting by saying she knew he was a great guy when he told her, "The first time I hold that baby in a carrier (because he always wanted to wear the Baby Bjorn and carry the baby) and kiss its little head, I'll be the happiest man in the world."
Won. Her. Over.
While telling our families was awkward...imagine telling Rob that I was pregnant.
I called him and asked if we could meet for dinner.
When I found his car in the parking lot, I decided to tell him there rather than in the restaurant.
His response, "Yep, I figured you'd be pretty ripe right about now."
No clue what that meant.
He told me he figured me asking to meet up was either to tell him that or trying to rekindle things.
He also told me he'd had an idea a week before when I was over at his house finalizing divorce stuff and packing up the rest of my stuff because I went to the bathroom about 20 times.
And then he told me..."I guess this is the period on the end of us. I guess I always thought it would just happen--us having kids."
I looked at him incredulously and said, "Just happen? You haven't touched me in forever."
It was a sad parting.
So was the day I signed the final divorce document. I drove over to his house and gave him back my rings. It was metaphorical.
Many said I should have kept them, but they represented something that I didn't want hanging around anymore. If I sold them, I'd never get their worth, and I didn't want to look at the representations of another failed marriage--even in a new jewelry setting.
I drove home that day sad. Sad at what had come of mine and Rob's 8 year relationship/4 year marriage.
And that night...Joe officially proposed.
We got married 3 months before our oldest was born.
I was hardly a blushing bride in white. Actually, I wore a red and black strapless number.
We got married in our house with candles all around and surrounded by our families.
It was small. It was intimate. It was perfect.
Since that time, we've had four more babies in record time.
We felt that we had missed so much time that we didn't want to wait.
And now we're surrounded by these 5, little, happy faces. Neither of us thought we'd have children because of our past marriages. Joe told me when we met that he had already resigned himself to not having kids. He thought he'd be a bachelor and that kids just weren't part of his future. I had felt the same way.
Meeting and marrying Joe was only the start of an amazing journey...
It certainly hasn't been all rainbows and unicorns.
Somethnig really hard for me to get past...feeling like I was in competition with Joe's first wife's memory.
Her name was Stacy.
