There I was, moved back in with my parents full time. We had a new house and--I hoped--a fresh start. And a fresh smell since the smoke smell on my clothes always bothered me.
It was the summer before my senior year and I was really excited for what this meant.
I had a boy I was interested in (a college guy) and things were really cool. He'd write and call when he could. He happened to be the roommate of my good friend's boyfriend. This was particularly exciting because Carla & Grant never let me date. They felt it was too easy to get into "trouble" as teens when you dated. I won't even begin to acknowledge that hypocrisy.
The guys went to school in Arkansas.
It was a strange courtship. Brian and I knew each other from church camp. I used to go every summer for a week. My friend Tess went too. In fact, it's because of her that I even went in the first place. It was her boyfriend (Doug) who went to college with the guy I liked...Brian.
As things go...Brian and I fizzled out. He was a little too fundamental for me in his beliefs. He gave me a report he'd written for one of his classes once and it was all about how he wanted his future spouse to stay thin. And one of his lines in the paper was, "and if I find she starts 'tipping the scale' so to speak, I'll say to her..." Um, yeah, I was quickly no longer interested. Couple that with the fact that he was 1000 miles away (and in teenage miles that was a million) and it was destined to fail.
He started saying some really strange things to me about how I shouldn't have sent him pictures of myself because "Oh, Mandy! You just shouldn't have!" I assure you they were perfectly normal pictures. Fully dressed. Nothing immodest about them. My sister actually took them of me one day when we were out and about doing what we did then...taking pictures by the lake and pretending we were tourists.
And...also as teenage relationships go, Tess and Doug broke up.
Let me back up and tell you some things about Tess.
She is still one of my dearest friends today.
In school, I envied her. Green, bold jealousy.
She was (and is) pretty, popular, she was on the dance team, a cheerleader, she had great clothes, and a great home life.
I remind you that this is all from my then 16 year-old perspective. The "Woe is me I'm so pitiful" perspective. Tess had insecurities and stuff all her own (as all kids do.)
So, when she and Doug broke up, I think she kind of looked at it as a new beginning for her too. We started moving in differnet circles I grew closer to another frend, Katherine. Katherine and I spent so much time together. She was also active in her faith, she lived only a couple of blocks away, and we had a lot in common.
We actually spent a lot of time at Carla & Grant's house (even after everything that had happened). We attended a youth Bible study every Sunday night and did everything together. Katherine's home life was also...you guessed it...troubled. We bonded over that.
Are you starting to see a theme here? All kids have their own issues that they deal with. =)
Too bad I didn't see it back then...
Anyway, somehow, Doug and I struck up a friendship. Wait...we had already been friends seeing as we attended the same church and had Tess as common ground. But that turned into more.
Over hundreds of conversations with Carla & Grant about the "situation," I had promised them that I wouldn't tell anyone. Actually, if I can clarify, I asked them to bring the minister of our church into it as an unbiased third party. Their answer, No. It should be kept within the family. I believe that is because of a couple of reasons...1) Grant was active in the church and did not want the public humiliation and 2) The minister was Grant's best friend.
I think it's important to add that tidbit in.
So, I swore that I would never tell anyone what happened...except my husband someday.
My senior year trekked right along. It was great. I had finally moved past the constant fear that I wouldn't be accepted for who I was. I didn't care as much. I also would like to think that I grew into my body. The braces came off, the hair was a little more stylish and I started wearing makeup. My gawky 14 year old body was suddenly not so gawky anymore.
I felt more confident with the newfound freedom that I had, that I no longer felt the need to fit in with a certain group.
Things with Tess and I were a little rocky, understandably so. Since I, as of February of that year, started officially dating Doug. What a tool I was. I broke the cardinal rule of thou shalt not date thine friend's ex.
So there we were...dating...and I felt pretty darn good.
Too good.
Doug is 2 years older than me.
I was a good girl. I didn't smoke, drink, party, etc etc.
I started going out with him after I got done working at night. We'd be out until midnight or later.
Naturally, that included a bunch of making out.
Pretty soon, I started sneaking out at night. What?!
That was so unlike me. I could get started on the idea that I was acting out due to the traumatic events I had just gone through--I do have an undergrad in psychology, after all--but I was in an honest to goodness rebellion.
I thought I was clever and cool and my parents didn't know...but one morning I came home to find my mom sitting at the kitchen table. I came up with some lame excuse about going out to breakfast with Doug.
I'm pretty sure she didn't buy it, but she didn't hassle me about it.
And looking back (and now as a mother of 5 kids--2 of which are girls) she should have soundly kicked my ass.
Doug and I were headed for trouble. And fast. It's true, that old saying: if you're messing with fire than you're gonna get burned.
